I imagine that we've all had a friend or at least made a connection with someone that has it, whatever it is. A magnetism. Someone that sees the world with amazing insight, someone who is equally (genuinely) as giving and humble as they are talented and creative. They are an artist in everything they do. They see goodness in everyone. They make you feel interesting and listened to. That person that you want to sit with for hours on end, and pick their brain, feel true connection, laugh till your cheeks ache (in the sour spot) and allow conversations to wander into the hidden and difficult places to express. With them you see new definitions of beauty and humor and pain and love. It usually seems that you are not the only one who gets this about them, that everywhere you go others are equally as drawn, and no one ever has anything but love to express for that person.

I have this friend. I've stated to him before that I feel so lucky that the time and place was right for us to meet. That we hit it off so well. He was the one who would encourage me by dropping in to take the dance classes I was teaching at UVU and UofU. The one who would call me to perform with him. Who makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. The one who came over every night after I put Fosse (my cat) down--simultaneously one of the most difficult and profoundly lonely periods I've been through, to pick me up, take me out, stay in for long talks and glasses of wine, and help me get ready to move across the country. He always makes time for me when I travel home to Utah and between those visits I look forward to long telephone conversations of catching up while we live far apart. 

Imagine then, Darling browsing online to see how the Utes (our alma mater) did in their football game and see instead, that this person, so dear to me, had been the victim of a violent hate crime. He was attacked at work for being gay. 

My heart sunk. I felt sick and confused. My mind felt heavy and fuzzy. Although there was no questioning the name or description I sent a text message anyway, "Please tell me it isn't you I'm reading about. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, I'm shaken, but I'm okay."

I still can't wrap my mind around it, thoughts of worry and sadness and confusion have overwhelmed me. How could such disgusting acts of violence and bigotry manifest themselves so adversely to someone I care for? Who suffers from such deep lack of compassion for others? There is no excuse, nothing solicits that kind of behavior. Who could ever hurt Cam? I mean seriously, EVER? I wish I could wrap him in my arms and ball up all the love in the universe and blast it through his veins, direct delivery into the body for healing. I know his physical wounds will heal much faster than the emotional ones. I know he is receiving an outpouring of love (I can't even leave a voicemail because the mailbox is full) but I also know how difficult it can be to see past the negative impact. I hope he is okay. I am having a hard time understanding it all. 

If you see this post Cam, I love you. We're thinking about you and loving on you day and night.


Sherry said...

I've been reading about these ridiculous crimes. It really breaks my heart and really makes me think twice about moving my little family back west. That such hate still exists, and is even encouraged in some cases, in a developed world blows me away.

I'm sorry for your friend. I hope he's able to get past this in the best way possible.

Rachel Swan said...

Brian and I have been sick as we've heard the stories pouring in about the recent violence against gay men in our community.

As a liberal, pro-gay rights Mormon woman I have been able (forced might be the more appropriate word) to create my own little tribe of like-minded peeps, and I often forget about the cruelty, ignorance, and hate that still exists all around us. My heart aches and goes out to all in the LGBT community, and I hope that more people will stand up and speak out for the need of compassion, understanding, acceptance, SAFETY, and love for our gay friends and family members.

Love and healing to you and your dear friend. XO

Anonymous said...

oh that is terrible! How horrible to not feel safe at your place of employment. I can't believe this happened to your friend and so sorry for how shaken up he must be. I hope the people responsible are brought to some type of justice. I hope that people begin to realize this gay rights issue is not a moral or religous issue but truly a human-rights issue that violates people's inalienable rights. Truly it makes my blood boil to hear about the hatred in my home state.